Tears, Damn Tears

Shut up! Boys aren't supposed to have feelings!!!

I broke a guy rule.I'm a guy and as a boy, we are supposed to hide emotions and feelings at all costs. Especially in front of other guys. And under no circumstances are boys allowed to cry in front of other guys unless:
a) Someone important in your family dies or
b) The guy you are crying in front of is dead. 0r
c) You best friend (i.e. dog) dies.

Pretty much, death is the only allowable reason. And it has to be someone/thing important. It can't be your third cousin twice removed from your sister's best friend. So, knowing all of these rules and regulations regarding emotion, I broke them.I absolutely hate to show emotion in front of people, especially my friends. It makes me feel like a sap and it shows weakness. The one thing I don't want to show is weakness. I worked too hard and feel too strong to show any kind of weakness, whether it be physical or emotional. Anyways, the story ...Being the only one of a certain group of friends to be over the age of 21, I was asked to go to the store to pick up a few items. I recruited a couple friends, whom we will call Mason and Mannah, to head out with me. We jump in the Fucus and I'm backing out of my horrible parking spot in the fire lane. Focusing on not hitting the cars around me, I apparently missed the fact that a fire hydrant could be equally damaging to the Fucus. My bumper has a huge dent in it and the brake light cover is broken (the bulb still works). We hopped out to check the damage and all I can do is look at it. I still have a mission to complete, so we get back in the car and head to the store. Poor Mannah and Mason ... they sat in stunned silence, waiting for me to say something. When Mason finally tried to speak, I kinda cut him off saying that "Talking would be bad right now."We get to the store and I take my orders. I'm looking around for the order I have to fill and trying to decide if I want something myself (and by this time, I realize I'm going to need an extra little something). Of course, I have to run into someone I know, our friend's, whom we'll call Mhristina, boyfriend. We talk for a seconds and he points me in the direction of the Capitain Morgan girl, who is giving out free shots of some new product (Tattoo, which is a spiced rum and something else liquor). Don't you see ... God does have a master plan! He knew what I needed then and there was some hot girl handing me a shot of free liquor. Let's not dwell on the fact that they were handing out shots to people that had to drive there ... Moving on ... we head back to Mile and Mason's and the two with me head up to the apartment, while I call a parental unit. God love my mom ... she calmed me down and told me not to worry about it. We'd figure it out later and I had bigger things to worry about, like how not to work next semester so I can graduate. I thank the heavens above everyday for a family that can handle me and my stuff ... So, I head up to the apartment and walk into Mason's room. They don't even look at me, so I assume they are waiting for me to say something so I walk to Mile's room, where he is on his computer. All I can do is stand there, because I know its coming (my mom may have calmed some stuff, but its still my Fucus!). He asks if I'm ok and how bad it is. Again, I know its coming, so I ask if he wants to see it. We walk downstairs and as he's looking at it, my roommate calls. As I'm telling her what happened and looking at my once non-broken Fucus, I break. My face started to leak and Mile is standing only a few feet away. I can't really make a run for it, so I just sit down. Now I've started and I can't stop. Tears, damn tears! And let me go ahead and say this: I am not a pretty cryer. No, I was not blessed with that gift that make TV people look good even when crying. Of course not, I am butt ugly when crying. So, my roommate is calming me down and when I'm done crying (with my face hidden so Mile can't see me ... If I can't see you, you can't see me!), I realize that Mason and Mannah are on my other side, to which I react with an "Oh crap, don't look at me!," and get up to run back into the apartment. If you hadn't caught on to that part, let me break it down. Now, two people have calmed me down about the car, so now I can devote my entire attention to the fact that I cried in front of two people that I hang out with on a regular basis (I think I should pay rent there ... but no) and a girl. And here begins the stress out (mind you, that can last days ...) realization that I not only cried, but did it in front of people. In your mind, you may not see this as a big deal. And I'm half-certain that they don't particularly care, but I do. I know that my opinion of a friend would not change based on that, but I don't know that about everyone. I think it is fairly obvious that as much as I don't want to care what other people think about me, I do.And as much as I want to believe that the tears were all for the car, I know that was just a catalyst. Now, I have to figure out everything else.

And so goes the life ...