The Daily Q&A

Are you ok? What's up? How's it going?

These are the questions we quickly ask to each other everyday. We say them all the time with no realy meaning behind them. They are more like a greeting, like hello, than an actual question.
Since the questions have become so off-handed and nearly meaningless, so have our responses.

"I'm fine ... Nothin' ... goin' good."

So, when someone actually takes the question as an opportunity to release, it takes the asker a few seconds to catch up and recover.

I had a patient today that did just that. She was a 27 year old woman of latin descent who was apparently gonig through a rough patch in life. I won't go into the specifics of what she said, but I was in her room for at least 20 minutes. She talked almost non-stop , barely stopping enough to draw breath between sentences. I let her talk herself into silence ... until she felt she was done. She finished by talking about how all she's wanted for a month or two was someone to talk to. Some to ask "How's it going?" For someone to actually mean it.

Unfortunately, I still had to do my job and draw her blood after such a heartfelt conversation. I fel so sympathetic for her. I felt her pain. I could see the sadness behind her dark brown eyes. And all I could think while drawing her blood in silence (she was a little ... ummm ... apprehensive about the whole needle thing ...) was that I am really amazingly lucky.
Not only do I have a family that will lend their ears and give their support, I have friends that will do the same. I have people that will that will listen to my daytime ramblings when I've had a bad day. I have friends that will sit up with me til 4 am waiting for the moment that I will break my silence or decide to let go of my stoicism. Ther are people in my life that know me and know who I am, even when I don't.

I have people that will actually really mean it when they ask "How's it going?"

I left the lady with a hug and a business card with my name and work number on it. She probably won't call (or ever come back to that office ... she was a new patient), but at least she knows there are people out there.

And so goes the life ...

The Walk, the Talk, and the Loss

Is it really worth the time and energy?

I am very rarely angry. It is an emotion that I try not to feel or dwell upon. So, the fact that I am angry enough to literally want to fight the person who caused it is a big deal.

I can deal with alot. I can put up with people talking about me. I can put up with people disrespecting me. I can deal with most of the crap we, as social beings, put each other through.
So, after a meeting, where at least a good half of those in attendance openly and loudly hated me and not one of my personal friends came to the rescue, someone I thought was a friend asked me into the hallway for a conversation. We walked a little ways and he decided to tell me how I was dishonest, untrustworthy, and an all around bad person and friend. I also only tell people what they want to hear and I am fake. If that were not enough, it turns out I do not take other people's feelings into consideration and only really think about what is good for myself.
In all honesty, I am ok up to this point. Like I said, I can deal with alot. Sadly, I have lost friends before. I have been called much worse for less. He wanted me to break another friend's confidence to let him know what was going on and to make him feel better. A joke was taken maybe too far, but I cannot betray one friend for another. That is not picking one friend over the other. That is trying to stay neutral. But again, I am ok up tot his point ...

Until you talk about my friends. I was told that I was (am) fighting for someone who is immature, dishonest, untrustworthy, and never going to appreciate anything I did for him. Furthermore, I chose my group of friends and to watch my back because none of them were trustworthy.

Then, in an attempt to scare me, he punched a wall and glared at me. (To which I replied, "You shouldn't do that. You'll hurt yourself." ... If nothing else, witty at all times ...)

I decided to let him walk away. I told him, with determined calm, that I felt bad for what I did, but I would not change it. I did what was right and would do it again. I told him to back off my friends. I told him I didn't care if my friend appreciated me or not, I was still his friends and would do anything for him or any of my friends.

I let him walk away. Against my urge to scream and yell, I spoke calmly. Against my urge to throw a punch, I stood resolute.

And against my urge to cry and mourn the loss of a friend, I remain stoic. I am not emotionless, but my "immature" and "unappreciative" friend spoke words of wisdom: If he tried to make me feel even more horrible about myself after the meeting from hell and he tried to make me doubt myself and my friends (and he tried to scare me in a pussy-ass way), was he even a friend to begin with?

He is right. This person is not worth the time and energy I would use to mourn the loss.

I lost a friend. And I am ok.

And so goes the life ...

P.S. As an update, I now wanna really beat this guy down for being an ass and for not having the balls to face the person he talked ill of.

Destiny's Child and Social Evolution

Cause you make me feel ...

I don't think of myself as a particularly strong person, usually. Sure, I am comfortable with myself and physically I can take care of myself. Although, I don't necessarrily think of myself as strong, I know I am definitely not weak.

I was listening to one of my CDs that I haven't listend to in a long time (I rediscover CDs I own every once in a while) and one of the lines I heard seemed to describe me or what I sometime need to remind people of: "You mistake my kindness for weakness."

I went camping with some friends a while ago. I only got to go on Saturday night due to a prior engagement. It made me feel all good when I got phone calls (and loving messages that I will never erase) from the campers telling me to hurry up and get there. We were talking and joking on Sunday and someone asked "Who do you think would win in a fight between Mhris and Eric?" To be honest, I was not surprised when nearly everyone (a few remianed silent) said their money was on Mhris.

My friends and I always joke around about how we're going to kick eache other's asses and the such. It's never ever serious and its always followed by heavy laughter or another smart ass comment. But it seemes like there is always that underlying disbelief or incredulous glance that can make a person feel oh so good or oh so secure.

These feelings can even go beyond the physical. I am generally nice to everyone. In groups of friends with new people, I am usually one of the most welcoming. In fraternity meetings, I never raise my voice or say anything specifically against someone. It is a common assurance that you can be mean, malicious, or rude to or about me and not have to suffer any kind of consequences.

I admit that these misconceptions are my fault. Although not one of these hurt my feelings in any way, I am sometime quickly reminded of how people percieve me, physically and mentally. I have not always been like this. I have been mean, I have been malicious, I have been straight out rude. I have taken people down, in both body and mind. I choose not to do those things.

I just need everyone to remember one thing:

Don't think I don't remember how.

And so goes the life ...

A Day and my Rollercoaster

It's just one of those days ... that an Eric goes through ...

A friend of mine once re-wrote the words to that Monica song. I guess I was in a prticularly bad mood that day, so he reworded the lyrics to reflect that and how I just wanted to be left alone, talking on my phone. Miju was definitely the best Indian lyricist ever.

Yesterday was definitely one of those days that Miju could sing for me. It's not that it was a bad day. But it was definitely one of the days I like to call a "Rollercoaster Day." A Rollercoaster day is one in which everytime something good happens, something bad has to happen to go along with it, and vice versa. So, in all actuallity, how the day ends up really depends on how it started.

It was a normal day for me. I got up, went to work. After work I went to class. My first class was Educ. in Society. We were getting our tests back from last time. I got a 67, which I was not too fussed about since I thought I did much worse. But, thats not to say i was too pleased either. So that was crappy. But, we got out of class early, so i went to the Voices desk at school. I ran into my little bro from last semester and was just hanging out. My little from this semester told us about the PT Society meeting and how they were going to have free pizza. I had just gotten back from getting a not so good grade, so Pizza was exactly what I needed. So, Michard and I headed off to crash their meeting. Luckily we showed up right as it was ending and we just snuck in to see our friends who just happened to hand us free food. Yeah!!!

So, all in all, good! So, I go to my next class, which starts at 8:30 PM! PM, dude! It's late by then. But, we were getting our tests back in that class too. I was so stressed. I thought I did horribly on the test. It was an essay test consisting of 4 essays. I thought I blew it so bad. Turns out, I got an A. YEAH!!!! Good good, right ...

So, life goes on and I head over to my littles apartment to help clean, since I was going to take over his apartment the next day for a meeting. I'm cleaning and cleaning and I had talked to some friends earlier who were going to come over to his apartment after we cleaned. We had a group plan for the night. We were going to the Megaplexxx. Oh yeah ... just what every good person needs to do ... go to the sex shop. So, since I was having a good day, and got an A (and i never get As!), I convinced my friend, who we'll call Mlsa, to go even though she didnt want to. It was for celebration of my great A! So, we're getting ready to go, 3 in my car and 3 in Mhris's. Mhris all the sudden comes running up to my car banging on the window. Turns out ... BOOOO ... I had a flat tire. Again ... BOOOOO. Anyways, we leave my car and head on to the plexxx.

We come back after going to the plexxx and to whataburger (since someone who shall remain nameless ... Merry ... wanted a giant shake), of course, its raining. Of course, I am stressed now. I've had a major rollercoaster day. My car is broken. I don't know how to fix a flat. BOOOO ... nothing good is happening. Luckily Mhris and Merry know how to change a tire. I pretty mich just sit back and watch with my other friends ... everything works out.

Now, I was amazingly stressed and vulnerable ... Here I was a guy and didnt know how to change a tire. Luckily, my friends realized where exactly I was standing ... they made the very kind decision not to make fun of me. It had been a day. And when your friends don't make fun of you when it would be obviously very easy ... that makes a good day.

Good friends can make any day a good day.

And so goes the life ...

Experiences at the Capital of Norway

"You are too nice. That will be your biggest downfall in life."

A very good friend told me this a long time ago. He remembered that he said it apparently, and reminded me again when I got to visit with him last week. What's awful about it is that he's probably right. For most everyone, their greatest attribute can be their biggest detriment. So, knowing how nice I am, imagine my surprise that I almost started a fight at a club.

At an Austin club called Oslo, a good 25 of us were celebrating a friend's birthday, who we'll call Mill. The specifics of how it started are not really important (just know that it wasn't my fault and I could have easily taken him ... I stress easily ... I mean, come on, I'm a giant!). And it's not important that a girl (who we'll call Mana) pushed me into this guy the second time. What is important is that as soon as words were spoken, I had immediate, unthinking support for mearly everyone with us (I only say nearly because some of us were busy making out or hitting on other people ... *cough* M).

Now this would not be a big deal if I was with a big group of my friends, cause if so they had better back me up (or else ... I am a giant!). The fact that I had only met some of these people that night or only once or twice before makes this amazing.

Since Mana and another friend, who we'll call Millie (... what will I do if I ever have to talk about someone whose name really does start with the letter M?) apparently realized that I was not accostomed to feeling rising anger, so I was pushed way to the back of the group (where I simply began dancing with a girl we'll call Musan ... God bless the letter M ... such anonymity). and cooler heads took over.

Of course I was a little stressed immediately afterwards; I was worried I was going to be the drama of Mill's birthday bash. I ended up not even being close to the winners of that award, so all was good. But looking back, I actually relish the situation.

What's even better is that this is not he best pat of the night!

I am pretty much a new addition to this group of friends (I knew two of them). So, although I completely love each of them, I don't expect the same love that they have for each other (and I probably don't ... but still).

Well, you know how at reunions and parties with people you don't see that often, you go off with your closest friends for a little while to talk? And then, if you add liquor to that situation, there's that touchy-feely moment? Yeah, I was invited in on that. That is the most exciting experience of that night.

And really, those are the exciting experinces of life.

And so goes the life ...

Videos, Radio Stars, and Addictions

Did the Video really kill the Radio star???

Everyone has an addiction. It does not matter who you are, you are addicted to something. Some people are addicted to smoking. Others are addicted to shopping. Some are addicted to alcohol. Some are even addicted to sex (now that is an addiction to claim ...)
But not me. I don't have a good addiction like smoking or shopping or the internet. I'm not a work-aholic and I'm not even a sex-aholic (if I was, I would be going through major withdraws ... shed a tear). No, my addiction is to ...

TV shows.

Yes, all sorts of TV shows. I am addicted to dramas like Everwood, Gilmore Girls, and ER. I'm addicted to comedies like Will & Grace, Friends, and Reba. I'm addicted to cartoons like the Simpsons, the Weekenders, and now Futurama and the Family Guy (thanks to an anonymous recorder). I'm even addicted to sappy night time soaps like The OC (don't knock it. Seth had SEX!!!! Now, all I need is to become rich and I have a chance too!!!). Heck, I'm even addicted to daytime soaps like General Hospital (although I don't get to watch them ...).

My biggest one is a relatively new genre. but the oldest show doing it: reality TV, but only the Real World.

Yes, its true. I'm addicted to the Real World. I'm addicted to a show that is anything but real. I, every Tuesday, sit down at 9pm to live vicariously through 7 strangers (picked to live in a house and have their lives taped, to find out what happens when people stop being polite and start getting real ... The Real World ... *enter city name here*).

I had to stop and think if this was something I was willing to admit to. It's a horrible addiction. It affects my day. It affects my life. I have been known to skip classes and meetings to catch an episode. I have been known to waste a Saturday for a Real World marathon (and, no, it does not matter that I have seen the entire Hawaii season at least 4 times ... I think in one episode Ruthie wasn't drunk and Amaya didn't cry ... it was a very moving time in my life ... all 4 times). Friends and family know that I will not take calls on Tuesday nights after 8:45 (I have to prepare and I don't want a conversation to drag into episode time). Friends have discussed with me the finer points of various season and compared them to the current season (this conversation will happen at least 2 times with each friend-fellow-fan each season ... and I enjoy it every time). I have had conversations about how I would apply to be on the Real World. Friends have suggested ideas for an audition tape.

So, as you can tell, this is a full blown addiction. Now, if someone can find a Real World-Anonymous meeting, please direct me to it. But I must remind you that getting 10 to 15 fans of the show together is only going to cause discussion about one of the following things: 1) which season was the best, 2) which lesbian was really a lesbian, 3) the role of virgins in the house, 4) favorite fights, or 5) sex between housemates. And these are not the only things I can find to talk about ... there is much much more.

So, I must say that MTV has changed my life, even without the music.

Now it is not true that the Video Killed the Radio Star, but it can be said that the reality TV show killed any music that could be found on MTV.

And so goes the life ...

The Coworkers' Revenge

I thought a Sarong and a Sari were the same thing ... apparently not, and I'm so wrong and sorry.

Something terrible happened the other day. It was absolutely, horribly horrible. Its a day that historians will ponder about what happened. Psychologists will wonder about what let up to that horrific event. And my future psychiatrists will be able to trace everything back to one fateful day ...

The day I was reduced to reading O Magazine.

Sure, it doesn't seem that bad to you. But I had majorly avoided this for a good long while. I had read every Time and Newsweek. I read all of the Sports Weeks. I even found all of the hidden pictures in Highlights. But finally, there were only two things left: O and National Geographic. Sadly, O had to be the one, since there was no way in hell I was going to learn something while at work! I go to school at night for that crap.

It was awful. Patients politely waited to leave my office before giggling. Co-workers openly pointed and laughed. Co-workers laugh because I generally revel in the fact that I have nothing to do. They tell me about how nice it must be, and generally I agree. O Magazine was to be their revenge. I sat quietly in my office and began to read.

Now reading women's magazines isn't really anything new to me. A friend of mine in high school would get Cosmo and she would read it. Then she would ask me if guys really liked that (Yes, we like to give oral sex. No, don't stick a finger in our butt when we orgasm). It was brilliant, and I got answers when I read Maxim.

So, I was reading. Dr. Phil of course had something to say about how women should feel about Bachelor Parties (it couldn't be more obvious that man was just bitter he didn't get one). Someone did an article on 3 doctor-approved crash diets (which had mysteriously vanished from the pages ... apparently somebody took it upon themselves to take it and deprive the rest of us from the glorious diets!). There were articles on being the best you, accepting your life as it is, letting go of past hurts, and saying sorry 101.

Upon reading these I discovered the main difference between men's and women's magazines. Where men's magazines tell you what and how to do stuff, the women's magazines tell you what, how, and why. It's like men don't give a crap about why to do stuff, we just do it. The women apparently need to have a reason to do the stuff. It was true in O. And it was true in Cosmo. Where a men's magazine would say "Give her the best sex she's had," a women's magazine would say, "Give hime the best sex he's had so he'll tell his friends." Or something to that effect.
Then came the article about how Men really feel about their bodies. Actually a well written article by the former editor of Men's Health. Now it was pretty obvious why this article never made it into Men's Health. It featured a 215lb, chubby white guy talking about how he felt about his flabby arms and love handles. Men's Health last month was all about Tiki Barber and how he got his great abs (I know this cause I read it ... under all my flab are some great abs ... they are just camoflaged ... really well). The only problem with this article is that it basically tells our secret. Secretly, guys do care about how they look. We get frustrated if we don't look exactly right, and then we get frustrated cause we know we are not supposed to think that. We are guys and not supposed to care about stuff like that. Damn that Oprah woman!

All of these from the creative genius that named her production company Harpo. When you think about it, don't ever say anything negative about Oprah. She has got a deadly army of followers that can and will find you and hurt you. In all honesty though, although I won't be reading anymore O Magazine (school starts ... I have to pretend to study from now on), I have a new respect for the lady. She ain't all bad.

And so goes the life ...

The Power of One

The Power of One
Party of one ...

It is a fact that one person can ruin your day. It does not matter if you finally made the basketball team or you found the perfect pair of shoes at the mall. It does not matter you got a B in that really hard class or you made a great decision at work. One person can ruin your day. To further the fact, you don't even need to know the person. It can be a stranger. Think about that. Some guy off the street can ruin your day.

Why? Why is it that no matter how good you think you look or how good you feel about yourself some stranger can ruin that? And this stranger is lurking everywhere. This stranger is out there everyday, in every place, just waiting ... waiting for you to cross their path so they can put a rain cloud over you for the rest of the day. This stranger can be anyone.

For example, what is a job interview for but to ruin your day? You put together you resume and feel good about it. You put every place you have worked and the experiences you garnered there. You put all the civic organizations you've participated in and feel good about the work you've done with them. You put all the schools you've attended, the degrees and diplomas you've recieved, and training you've been through and you feel successful. You dress to impress and feel good about yourself. You are prepared for this interview. And the interviewer (read: stranger) can spoil that great feeling. With one sentence or one glance of the eye or one bored expression. One thing from one person can ruin everything.

Or you work at your job for a long time. You feel good about the work that you do. You enjoy the job. You do it to the best of your ability. One person on one day can ruin that. It could be a co-worker. Someone that treats you like crap from the moment they start to work there or the moment they walk in the door everyday. They are just there to bug the crap out of you. Or a customer. A customer comes in and steals something. The manager can't prove it wasn't an employee or a customer. Then can't prove which employee it was. Fires everyone on that shift. Or a client neglects to fill out the proper forms and you legally can't do anything. The client throws a fit, lies about your attitude, makes themselves look like the wounded party. Next thing you know, you are fired. A stranger has ruined your day. A stranger has come in to your life for a short period of time and wrecked what you had worked hard for. Or you like someone. You decide that you like this person or you are interested in this person. You think about asking them out or just trying to get to know them. Why is it that if they are not single or really busy or just not interested, it ruins everything?

Why do we let strangers ruin our day? They don't know anything about us, yet one thing they do or say make our day suck so much we just want to go home and give it up. Out there somewhere is going to be someone waiting to do something that will destroy your good day.

How will you react?

But if one person can ruin everything, one person should be able to fix it all. Your friends are there for you. Let them pick you up when you are down. It is not the opinion of a stranger that matters, is the opinion of those that know you and still care.

And so goes the life ...

The Resolution

A: When do you like a Snickers?
B: Around noon, when your hunger's ah ... pokin at ya-pokin at ya.

The New Year's is a time to reflect (and recover from the night before). It's a time to look back at the year past and look at the year ahead. It's a time to look at everythin you accomplished (and the things you didn't) and set new goals for this year. And what better way to set a goal than the New Year's Resolution.

The New Year's Resolution, I'm sure, began with good intentions. Sonmeone decided that it would be a good time for people to choose something to focus on in the coming year. What it has become is something different. To some, its a joke. To others, its the bane of their existance.
I fall into the latter group. I choose things that are difficult or impossible. For example, I and the rest of America resolved to lose weight last year. This is the best resolution ever: a country of chubby people with a McDonald's or donut shop on every corner ... real likely. And since I really am that person that orders 20 McNuggets, Extra Vaslue Fries and a diet coke, its really likely for me. But, by golly, I was going to lose weight. So, on New Year's Day (after I arrived back in Arlington from New Orleans and being thrown up on at midnight ... no really), we took a damily trip to Barnes & Noble. I have never seen so many people in the self-help aisle. Anyways, I head my way into the crowd and decide Atkins is the way to go.

Now, do not get me wrong. Atkins does work ... if you have the discipline. I, knowing myself, knew that I could not do it alone, so I enlisted my work-buddy Robynn Deal. The Deal (haha) was to tackle this beast together. And I was serious (after all, I bought a book!). I bought sugar-free candy for the Hematology & Chemistry Supervisors' office. I took my mom to Sam's to buy every kind of meat in bulk. I bought 10 bags of Pork Rinds. I was armed and ready,
Work was easy. I ate breakfast and lunch with Robynn. Home was a diffrerent story. I would sit with my beef and c hicken while mother and sister dined on chicken fried steak, or tacos, or burgers, or spaghetti, or a multitude of other things I loved. School started soon after, so I didn't eat with them cause I got home so late. Success was assured!

Then, Robynn fell. Her mom had made her famos homemade Pizza and Robynn could not resist. The homemade cobbler sealed the Deal (haha). Robynn had deserted me for dessert!
I was standing alone. I lasted til the end of February. I lost 17 lbs, but hadn't eaten anything I wanted for 2 months. I fell and hard. No more meat. No more pork rinds. No more sugar free candy. I wanted pasta, cheetos and a snickers. And I got it. And all was right in the world.
We set ourselves up for failure with these resolutions. We pick somethiing difficult, thinking "This year, I'm really going to do it." It's not likely. You didn't do it last year, you didn't do it the year before. Let it go!

So this year, I will do it different. I resolve to enjoy my friends, family, and everybody else. I resolve to party. I resolve to sit and watch TV when I want to. I resolve to play Roller Coaster Tycoon and on the internet.

Most importantly, I resolve to have a good time!And maybe lose a little weight.

And so goes the life ...