The Daily Q&A

Are you ok? What's up? How's it going?

These are the questions we quickly ask to each other everyday. We say them all the time with no realy meaning behind them. They are more like a greeting, like hello, than an actual question.
Since the questions have become so off-handed and nearly meaningless, so have our responses.

"I'm fine ... Nothin' ... goin' good."

So, when someone actually takes the question as an opportunity to release, it takes the asker a few seconds to catch up and recover.

I had a patient today that did just that. She was a 27 year old woman of latin descent who was apparently gonig through a rough patch in life. I won't go into the specifics of what she said, but I was in her room for at least 20 minutes. She talked almost non-stop , barely stopping enough to draw breath between sentences. I let her talk herself into silence ... until she felt she was done. She finished by talking about how all she's wanted for a month or two was someone to talk to. Some to ask "How's it going?" For someone to actually mean it.

Unfortunately, I still had to do my job and draw her blood after such a heartfelt conversation. I fel so sympathetic for her. I felt her pain. I could see the sadness behind her dark brown eyes. And all I could think while drawing her blood in silence (she was a little ... ummm ... apprehensive about the whole needle thing ...) was that I am really amazingly lucky.
Not only do I have a family that will lend their ears and give their support, I have friends that will do the same. I have people that will that will listen to my daytime ramblings when I've had a bad day. I have friends that will sit up with me til 4 am waiting for the moment that I will break my silence or decide to let go of my stoicism. Ther are people in my life that know me and know who I am, even when I don't.

I have people that will actually really mean it when they ask "How's it going?"

I left the lady with a hug and a business card with my name and work number on it. She probably won't call (or ever come back to that office ... she was a new patient), but at least she knows there are people out there.

And so goes the life ...

The Walk, the Talk, and the Loss

Is it really worth the time and energy?

I am very rarely angry. It is an emotion that I try not to feel or dwell upon. So, the fact that I am angry enough to literally want to fight the person who caused it is a big deal.

I can deal with alot. I can put up with people talking about me. I can put up with people disrespecting me. I can deal with most of the crap we, as social beings, put each other through.
So, after a meeting, where at least a good half of those in attendance openly and loudly hated me and not one of my personal friends came to the rescue, someone I thought was a friend asked me into the hallway for a conversation. We walked a little ways and he decided to tell me how I was dishonest, untrustworthy, and an all around bad person and friend. I also only tell people what they want to hear and I am fake. If that were not enough, it turns out I do not take other people's feelings into consideration and only really think about what is good for myself.
In all honesty, I am ok up to this point. Like I said, I can deal with alot. Sadly, I have lost friends before. I have been called much worse for less. He wanted me to break another friend's confidence to let him know what was going on and to make him feel better. A joke was taken maybe too far, but I cannot betray one friend for another. That is not picking one friend over the other. That is trying to stay neutral. But again, I am ok up tot his point ...

Until you talk about my friends. I was told that I was (am) fighting for someone who is immature, dishonest, untrustworthy, and never going to appreciate anything I did for him. Furthermore, I chose my group of friends and to watch my back because none of them were trustworthy.

Then, in an attempt to scare me, he punched a wall and glared at me. (To which I replied, "You shouldn't do that. You'll hurt yourself." ... If nothing else, witty at all times ...)

I decided to let him walk away. I told him, with determined calm, that I felt bad for what I did, but I would not change it. I did what was right and would do it again. I told him to back off my friends. I told him I didn't care if my friend appreciated me or not, I was still his friends and would do anything for him or any of my friends.

I let him walk away. Against my urge to scream and yell, I spoke calmly. Against my urge to throw a punch, I stood resolute.

And against my urge to cry and mourn the loss of a friend, I remain stoic. I am not emotionless, but my "immature" and "unappreciative" friend spoke words of wisdom: If he tried to make me feel even more horrible about myself after the meeting from hell and he tried to make me doubt myself and my friends (and he tried to scare me in a pussy-ass way), was he even a friend to begin with?

He is right. This person is not worth the time and energy I would use to mourn the loss.

I lost a friend. And I am ok.

And so goes the life ...

P.S. As an update, I now wanna really beat this guy down for being an ass and for not having the balls to face the person he talked ill of.