No Different

He filed ...

I've tried to write this particular blog entry for a week-and a-half. I've tried to start with backstory. I've tried to to open witha joke. I've tried to be overly emotional or sentimental. None of it has worked.

My dad filed for divorce from my mom.

The reason its taken me so long to write is that I don't know what to write. and I don't know what to write because I can't figure out how I feel.

Of course I know how I should feel. I should feel upset or angry. Or I should feel emotional and sad. Or I could feel happy and relief, since its been so long. That's a big range of emotions that I have to choose from, I could even pick all of tem; this is a big deal and I don't think any of my friends woudl blame me for being an emotion basketcase for the time being.

The truth is I don't feel anything. Out of the entire array of feelings that I have to choose from, I either can't decide or won't decide.

Now although I am pretty bad at multiple choice tests, I know this is one that there is no real chance of failure.

Or is there?

Divorce is so commom now that its pretty much an everyday thing for people. Chances are that you know several people that have gone through this before or you have gone through it yourself. It's gotten so old and so overly dealt with that it would seem that the words of sympathy anyone could give me are actually pretty well rehearsed!

I felt the same way before 11th grade. When my parents first seperated, I didn't tell anyone. Not my friends, not my teachers, not my co-workers. I didn't want faux sympathy. I knew it would have been real from those that care about me, but I didn't really need it. It didn't change me as a person, so why should anyone know?

Now, I don't care if people know. But I still don't want or even need the sympathy. It's merely a fact.

You might ask, "If you don't want sympathy, why are you posting this?" To be honest, I needed to write. I am a little confused about how I feel, hence why it took me so long to write this. I tried each and every one of the options of emotions I had. None of them fit. For some reason, this does.

It's more of a statement of fact than anything else. This entry is just fact.

And its taken me several rough drafts and this two-and-a-half page (handwritten!) post of badly
strung together paragraphs to figure out how I really feel:

No Different.

And so goes the life ...