Betty Ettiquette's Effects on a College Boy

The chubby bearded man is coming! The chubby bearded man in red clothes is coming!

That's right folks ... Christmas is upon us. I absolutely love this season. I love everyone's spirit of comraderie and love. I love the family getting together. I love decorating the tree. And I love the spirit of giving.

But the stuff that leads up to the spirit of giving sucks. There are so many factors that weigh in on gifting buying. Who do you buy gifts for? What should you buy them? How much do you spend on a person?

Lucky for you, I have worked all of this out. So, if you are a college boy (some rules girls can use too) and are lost at the mall, here is your new bible.

The College-Boy Rules of Christmas Shopping

#1) Make a budget. Then throw that sucker away. You are going to spend more than your estimated budget no matter what. Deal with this quickly, cause rent is due in about 6 days.

#2) Write down the names of immediate family members. Exclude aunts, uncles, and cousins. You love them, but like you, they have bigger Tickle-me-Elmo's to buy. (Special note: Only expect toe socks (for girls) and Christmas boxers (for boys) from your aunts and uncles with kids. They love you, but in this season you are an afterthought while standing in the checkout line at Wal-Mart, so they are not expecting gifts.)

#3) Write down the names of your closest female friends. Limit this list!!! Colsest female friends does not include that girl in your social circle that you had crazy sex with, but really only see at parties. She is not expecting anything. No no ... I promise. Buy the people that make this list gifts that have meaning between the two of you. If you had a special story involving a wooden spoon, if you buy her a wooden spoon, you will be the very thoughtful, best boy-friend (and if you want, on your way to dropping that hyphen).

#4) Write down the list of you guy buddies. Immediately throw this list away! We are guys and this might straggle the border between straight and gay! But, as they say, it is the thought that counts, and you did make a list with them on it.(Exception to #4: If you are friends with both sides of a couple, buy the girl a gift and slap both names on there. Congratulations, you have successfully killed two birds with one stone!)

#5) That girl at the Graduation/After-Finals/ Christmas party that took care of your drunk ass. Yeah, she's getting a gift. Deal with it and make it good.

#6) If your work is not doing a Secret Santa (blessed are those that do), buy only things that you can use for your work buddies. Wait for your gift first! If you don't get one, enjoy your $10 gift cards and the such.

And that is all folks. Christmas shopping in 6 simple rules. Enjoy your shopping experience.
More importantly, enjoy your holiday and your family and friends. I know mine are dear to me.

Merry Christmas!

And so goes the life ...